Vol. 9/4
I visited church with some family members last Sunday. The minister spoke from Matthew Chapter 17 (the words of Christ as witnessed by Matthew)
14 And when they were come to the multitude, there came to him a certain man, kneeling down to him, and saying,
15 Lord, have mercy on my son: for he is lunatick, and sore vexed: for ofttimes he falleth into the fire, and oft into the water.
16 And I brought him to thy disciples, and they could not cure him.
17 Then Jesus answered and said, O faithless and perverse generation, how long shall I be with you? how long shall I suffer you? bring him hither to me.
18 And Jesus rebuked the devil; and he departed out of him: and the child was cured from that very hour.
19 Then came the disciples to Jesus apart, and said, Why could not we cast him out?
20 And Jesus said unto them, Because of your unbelief: for verily I say unto you, If ye have faith as a grain of mustard seed, ye shall say unto this mountain, Remove hence to yonder place; and it shall remove; and nothing shall be impossible unto you.
21 Howbeit this kind goeth not out but by prayer and fasting.
This message caused me to remember the reasons that I left the church.
The focus of the message was on faith, fasting, and prayer. With these, nothing shall be impossible to you. This is not true. I have not found it to be true. Faith, fasting, and prayer is a way of life for many christian people. It falls short. When ministers stand before a congregation with a message such as this, I believe they are just saying words. These are only words to encourage and comfort the listener.
Paul said in Romans 3
28 Therefore we conclude that a man is justified by faith without the deeds of the law.
Paul also taught about grace in II Corinthians 12
9 And he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will I rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.
If God’s grace is sufficient in my weakness (imperfection), add mustard seed faith (notwithstanding the deeds of the law), then add fasting & prayer, I should be able to move mountains. Or did I miss something? Is this the truth?
I believe, in the mind of the speaker, while delivering this message, there had to have existed a multitude of doubt & a mountain of disbelief. Do ministers tell lies to their congregations. I never considered this notion until last Sunday as I sat in the pews, listening to this message. I have nothing at all against the minister. This minister seems to be an average, loving, and caring individual. I’m not hating the player; I’m questioning the game.
There have been many circumstances throughout my life that I didn’t understand why prayers were not answered. I was taught that sometimes the answer is “no”. I’m willing to accept a no. Especially if my requests are purely selfish in reason. Are all petitions unreasonable? Maybe it’s egotistical for us to think that we’re so special that an all-powerful God would move heaven and earth to provide our needs, our hearts desires. There are so many who’s petitions are of much greater in importance than mine.
There is, of course, the people who act as if God is their personal ATM. They see him as a transactional God, as if it’s God’s duty to provide for them because of EVERYTHING they do for Him. I’ve heard some say that God owes me. It’s transactional. I do something for Him, He provides me with FAVOR.
Matthew 7
9 Or what man is there of you, whom if his son ask bread, will he give him a stone?
10 Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent?
11 If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?
There came a time in my life when I needed to understand better about what God wanted from me. I prayed, fasted, and agonized over wanting to understand the Christian walk & His word.
I reached a critical point in my life, and I needed to know that He was there. My family was in despair over the health of loved ones. I fasted & I prayed. I was anointed with oil by the ministers in the church. Everyone that I spoke with, I asked them to pray. To no avail. A shock-wave of grief went through my family in rapid succession. I shattered under the pressure.
My God let me know, that when I need Him the most, He cannot be relied upon. So, I no longer rely on or trust Him. If He is real, I certainly do not understand Him. If He is real, I know realize that He will do what He will do. If He is real, why were my faith, prayer, & fasting insufficient?
Along with bitter grief, I have continued to deal with unrelenting guilt. Years have passed since, but in a small place; in the back of my mind, I wonder, did I cause this. Is this the price my family had to pay for my challenging Him? Was this my fault? I was angry at God for a while. Then I realized, maybe He has never answered prayers, ever. Maybe He does not exist.
*Something’s Missing, maybe it’s just me. When I read the scriptures, and I compare what I’ve read with the church; something is definitely missing.