Vol. 3/3
One of my earliest memories about death was the demise of an older gentleman who was a member in our local church. One Sunday there was an announcement that he was sick and in the hospital. There were many special prayers for him, and I remember my dad went to the hospital to visit with him. After a period, seems like months (I was a child), so it may have been a week or two, the man died. I recall the grief and despair that was expressed. Bitter sadness came from some of the long-time members. Apparently, this man was a pillar within that congregation and some of these people had grown up around him. I asked my mom, why was everybody so sad. Mom explained that the gentleman had passed away. I said to her that I thought that everyone should be glad. “He’s not sick anymore and he’s in heaven”. According to the sentiments about heaven in our congressional songs are about a beautiful place, ‘Oh I Want to See Him’, and ‘No more crying there’, I thought this is the place that everyone would prefer to be. I knew that it was the place that I wanted to be. I was quite confused because I thought that people should have been dying to get there.
My great grandmother was, as they say, a fire and brimstone preacher who was well known in some parts. When she died, I was so puzzled by the expressions of grief. “She’s in heaven! Shouldn’t we be rejoicing instead?” I thought as a child.
I have come to understand loss. What I do not understand is the fear that so many Christians have about death.
John Chapter 14
1 Let not your heart be troubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.
2 In my fathers house are many mansions: if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you.
3 And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come again, and receive you unto myself; that where I am, there ye may be also.
1 Corinthians 15:55 O death, where is thy sting? O grave, where is thy victory?
2 Timothy 3:5 Having a form of godliness but denying the power thereof:
I know the profound impact the loss of a loved one can have on the ones left behind. I understand we all want to live a long healthy life. Life is good. We want to see our children and their children become the next generations. What I don’t understand is the fear of death to the point of paranoia and hypochondria. The promise of a beautiful place like heaven seems to escape some, or does hell consume their minds when thinking on an afterlife? Some may fear that they have never measured up.
Personal Note: I have always seen death as natural progression. It’s the next stage. We know that life is not infinite. At some point bodies will fail. How we take care of ourselves usually determines how our bodies will treat us. We must treat ourselves well and treat others as we want to be treated. This practice gives us peace.
Loss and grief are what I was experiencing when I began my slow drift from the church. Questions and frustration with the inability to find a firm foundation was detrimental. The darkness that arose has changed my life forever. Some changes have been for the better. My optimistic views are shattered and will remain in shards of broken pieces. I wanted to believe, despite the difficulty and the pain, that God was still there.
*Something’s Missing, maybe it’s just me. When I read the scriptures, and I compare what I’ve read with the church; something is definitely missing.