Vol. 5/11
I went out seeking refuge at a church near our home. The messages spoke into my spirit and the praise and worship services were phenomenal! Yet, I had difficulty attending one church while my honey was still at our home church. I felt it wasn’t right for couples to be separate in worship.
While attending my refuge church, I experienced something that I began to think of as a divine message. I was in my car, still in my driveway, with the intention of going to my refuge Wednesday night service. Suddenly, I could not decide which church I should attend. I’m not sure, at that point, why the home church was even a consideration. I sat there, unsure about what to do. I asked God, “what do I do?”. A voice inside of me said, “Come out from among them”. I was startled.
- 2 Corinthians 6: 17 Wherefore come out from among them, and be ye separate, saith the Lord, and touch not the unclean thing; and I will receive you
- Revelation 18:4 And I heard another voice from heaven, saying, Come out of her, my people, that ye be not partakers of her sins, and that ye receive not of her plagues.
I am still trying to understand this. It still causes me to tremble when I read these scriptures and think on that experience. These were scriptures that I was only vaguely familiar with, prior to that day.
I attended my refuge church for a few months after that experience. I never again found the comfort that was so welcoming at first. My spirit was no longer at ease, and I could no longer justify worshiping under different leadership than my honey. I kind of felt like a vagabond. I was not willing to return to church as usual; the way church has been done, as I had known all my life. I came to realize that I needed to sever ties with the only source to the kingdom of God that I had ever known. Leaving the church wasn’t an easy decision, but I needed to stay home and wait…
- Psalm 27:14 Wait on the LORD: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the LORD.
Before leaving the church, I had been praying for truth and understanding. Praying, fasting, and ultimately agonizing over questions that has troubled me since my youth. I tried gaining knowledge by reaching out for help from fellow teachers and ministers in the church. I brought my thoughts, my questions, and my concerns to them. I believe that most of them meant well, but the rejection from some, broke something within me. At times there was so much resistance that it caused me to feel ashamed and disgraced. I am sure that I left more than a few frustrated Christian folk in my wake. I began my own study to find my way to whatever, whoever, or wherever He wanted me to be.
- 2 Timothy 2:15 Study to shew thyself approved unto God, a workman that needeth not to be ashamed, rightly dividing the word of truth.